Fall Season Up and Growing

Well, my daughter is now installed in a college dorm room and the dog has filled the vaccuum . Funny how that works (not that I am equating my dog with my daughter-it's an energy space thing). It is like losing a large contract and thinking the world has ended and we are all going to starve and the next day the phone rings with an even better gig. Years of business and parenting have taught me this and still I forget.

Parenting and running your own business can so often be at odds. I can remember every first day of school since preschool. I would monitor the calendar, just waiting for that early fall day to arrive, anxious to get my children out from underfoot. Then I would cry all the way home after watching them nervously entering an another grade. First days and last days of school are so melancoly, I would long for the serenity of 6 hours of focused time and while nursing the hole in my heart that they filled with their laughter and unrelenting energy during the summer.

This year the drive home was longer and the hole a whole lot larger. I couldn't wait to clean her bathroom and remove the Red Stripe beer bottles from her bedroom window-(there, not because she participates in underage drinking, but because she loves all things Jamaica-right..).
My satisfaction in raising the curtains for the first time in 4 years was as transitory as a new, clean lunchbox. While my job as a parent is not complete, my role as her daily manager is finished. Whether I did a good job as a parent will be up to some therapist's assessment I suppose, but that I loved my children and did the best I knew how is a banner I can raise proudly. As I hugged my sweet girl in her room surrounded by her personal creature comforts I remembered another girl, the one that still haunts my now more womanly frame. The young woman who had dreams that were not woven with child-rearing and I suppose it is their time once again.

Besides, 2 days later I started photographing all those smiling school children and going to bed at 9:30 pm with no rap music in the room downstairs was not all that bad.